Dear Spelunker

[MagFlare]

Best poem of all time.

I'd also like to submit my own totally kickass poem for consideration:

On Spelunky

Who ventured deep in caves that creep
With spiders and undead?
Who rescued fair young maidens there
When lesser men had fled?

Who sought the gloom of mummies' tombs
And unearthed secrets old?
Who, armed with whip, gun at his hip,
Found the City of Gold?

'Twas Spelunker! 'Twas Spelunker!
The ancient legends tell;
'Twas Spelunker! 'Twas Spelunker!
Your game is hard as hell.

But darkness calls inside us all -
He felt his resolve falter.
Should helpless maid be saved, or laid
Upon an ebon altar?

She can't escape her grisly fate;
He mocks her mortal folly
And takes her soul in bloodied bowl -
A gift for Mother Kali.

'Tis Spelunker! 'Tis Spelunker!
His exploits made him rich.
'Tis Spelunker! 'Tis Spelunker!
A real son of a bitch.

[AresRomanGod]

Sorry, entries closed 2 minutes ago.
 

[MagFlare]

Sorry, entries closed 2 minutes ago.
 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU-

Well, then I won't even bother posting my other Spelunky poem, written in the style of Wm. McGonagall, which begins like this:

"In December of 2008, on a day that was quite nippy,
Derek Yu released a game called Spelunky,
A game where you blow up walls to find treasure and the gameplay is emergent,
And you can find the City of Gold if you're sufficiently observant."

[Ninja_Zane]

We of the fool's guild say...

The yetis where clearly trying to attack this shopkeeper you think is "satan" and thus where fighting him, or they would not of mad him mad, as the gif clearly shows. thus you should befriend all yetis (and let them keep there fools gold.

 

The yetis made then you can see the rocks move on the ground its clearly fake mine may just be a picture but at least you know it could be real unlike the gif where the rocks move and the jetpack disappears!

 

P.S Have you heard the Satan now takes souls!

[Kegluneq]

Very well written poems! Props to you MagFlare!

[eguee]

I love smileys.

[MagFlare]

Very well written poems! Props to you MagFlare!

Er, one poem. The other was deliberately shitty in homage to a notoriously shitty Victorian-era Scottish poet and any props received for it will be returned to sender.

Still! Props for On Spelunky are gratefully received.

[Kegluneq]

Oh really? I liked the mini-poem too!

[AresRomanGod]

Yes, very tasteful vocabulary, I must say.

[DirkRhyolite]

Bravo on both works, MagFlare, including the second one. Sublime crappiness, as McGonagall, Ed Wood, and Dan Brown have proven, can be just as enjoyable and worthy of praise as sublime beauty. I'm curious how that poem continues.



Also:

There once was a fearless spelunker
Who couldn't have been any drunker.
    When he came to the aid
    Of a desperate maid
He did nothing but constantly plunk her.

[MagFlare]

I'm curious how that poem continues.

It doesn't. Nor will it, because trying to write poetry without any sort of meter causes my brain to hemorrhage.

There once was a fearless spelunker
Who couldn't have been any drunker.
    When he came to the aid
    Of a desperate maid
He did nothing but constantly plunk her.

Classic. Could surpass classic and end up in epic territory, even, depending on what "plunk" means in this context. 

I'm reminded of Lore Sjöberg's Famous Poems Rewritten as Limericks.

[DirkRhyolite]

plunk, v: to throw, push, put, drop, etc., heavily or suddenly

I know it's a bit of a clunker,
But very few words were befitting at all while maintaining the rhyme with "spelunker."

[AresRomanGod]

Heh. That's pretty inconspicuous. Whatever inconspicuous means.

[Delmion]

Heh. That's pretty inconspicuous. Whatever inconspicuous means.

Not . . . being . . . conspicuous?  Will that do for a definition?

--Delmion

[AresRomanGod]

Heh. That's pretty inconspicuous. Whatever inconspicuous means.

Not . . . being . . . conspicuous?  Will that do for a definition?

--Delmion

Good enough.