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Author Topic: Dear Spelunker  (Read 121175 times)
Anifanatic
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« on: October 03, 2009, 08:34:19 AM »

  SpaceSpace SpaceSpelunky Shopkeeper
"I. Am going. To kill you."
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AresRomanGod
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« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2009, 09:06:17 AM »

Just one smiley to describe this thread.
 Grin

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Be afraid.
DirkRhyolite
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« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2009, 10:21:35 PM »

Dear Anifanatic,

As a formal representative of Yetis Against Shopkeeper Discrimination, I must protest your invidious libel against our beloved friend and benefactor.

The Shopkeeper is a warm-hearted, generous, loving man. He braves the harshest of environments in order to provide comfort and equipment to tomb robbers in need. His prices are very reasonable, and he is open 24 hours a day.

The public disparagement of this noble man--the view that he is nothing more than an untrustworthy, gun-toting sociopath--is the result of a propaganda campaign being carried out by a single disgruntled individual, known as the Spelunker. This immoral professional felon has done nothing but treat the Shopkeeper with scorn and disrespect; he has stolen his items, bombed his shop, and even killed him on multiple occasions. To combat such brazen terrorism, the Shopkeeper has had no choice but to retaliate in force.

The Yeti Council urges people to remember that the Shopkeeper always acts in self-defense, and that he would never harm a law-abiding, upright cave-digger in need of his aid and assistance.

Sincerely,
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johnnoz
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« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2009, 02:13:20 AM »

So guys, who else has heard those rumors about corruption in the yeti council? No? well supposedly the shopkeeper has been giving them free pitcher mitts as a bribe. Don't know how true that may be but still, suspicious isn't it?
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eguee
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« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2009, 03:45:23 AM »

So guys, who else has heard those rumors about corruption in the yeti council? No? well supposedly the shopkeeper has been giving them free pitcher mitts as a bribe. Don't know how true that may be but still, suspicious isn't it?
Why not give them free jetpacks? Imagine the terror they would cause.
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Arucard
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« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2009, 05:52:49 AM »

Please don't blow me up, thanks!  Smiley

           Love,
             Spelunky Wall
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Chainz
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« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2009, 05:53:38 AM »

  SpaceSpace SpaceSpelunky Shopkeeper
"I. Am going. To kill you."

Dear Shopkeeper from LVL6,
    Catch me... if you can.
Sincerely,
 Spelunky Dude
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DirkRhyolite
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« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2009, 11:35:42 AM »

So guys, who else has heard those rumors about corruption in the yeti council? No? well supposedly the shopkeeper has been giving them free pitcher mitts as a bribe. Don't know how true that may be but still, suspicious isn't it?

Speaking on behalf of the Yeti Council, I strongly deny any such conspiracy. Although we greatly respect the Shopkeeper and consider him the best of his ignoble species, we have never had any formal dealings with the man. We leave him alone, and he leaves us alone. Furthermore, we have no need for pitcher's mitts, since we are naturally endowed with superhuman strength.


Why not give them free jetpacks? Imagine the terror they would cause.

I've never seen a yeti with a jetpack,
I do not think I'll see one.
But, barring some financial setback,
I'd really like to be one.



Sincerely,
« Last Edit: October 04, 2009, 11:37:18 AM by DirkRhyolite » Logged
Delmion
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« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2009, 11:37:48 AM »

I've never seen a yeti with a jetpack,
I do not think I'll see one.
But barring some financial setback,
I'd really like to be one.
I . . . just . . . wow.

Purple cows, man.  Purple cows.

--Delmion
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Kegluneq
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« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2009, 05:15:10 PM »

I too, am in the defense of the Shopkeeper.

I scream "HELP!" all day and night because I want to be SAVED! Not abused and trampled all over and STILL expected to plant a warm, sweet kiss!

Hell, even then I'm STILL not rescued, only taken EVEN DEEPER INTO THE CAVE!!

The Spelunker has abused me in every single way possible. Used as bait, used as a weapon, even used as a sacrificial object, just to name a few.
The Shopkeeper is the only one who cares for me, since anytime HE manages to rescue me from that evil man in the hat, he even gives me a place to stay and a job!

Now, some Spelunkers may claim that the Shopkeeper abuses me, as they say that they have heard him claim that only he can whip me. But that is in no way any sort of abuse, it's just our strange love-whip-relationship.

(P.S. And all the Spelunker cares about is money Cry)

-Sincerely,  Spelunky Damsel
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johnnoz
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« Reply #10 on: October 04, 2009, 07:37:38 PM »

 Spelunky Dude < "Lies and slander! Need i remind you that i have 20 sticky bombs? I would watch what you say, especially you damsel!"
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Kegluneq
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« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2009, 09:37:18 PM »

 Spelunky Damsel *sob sob BAWL Cry*
YOU ALREADY USE THEM ON ME ANYWAY!!! Angry Cry *CRY WEEP hic*

(see: walking time bomb)
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DirkRhyolite
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« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2009, 10:04:28 PM »

Dear  Spelunky Damsel,

Based on your foregoing remarks, the Yeti Council have unanimously decided to award you honorary yetiship and full admission into Yetis Against Shopkeeper Discrimination. We are saddened to hear of your abuse at the hands of the Spelunker and we wish to extend our own furry hands in a spirit of peace and friendship.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Sincerely,
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Kirby
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« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2009, 10:14:12 PM »

On behalf of the monetary value system I must say I am thoroughly disappointed in you Spelunker. All you have done with us is take us deeper into the cave for us to find some cruel means of being stuck in your back pocket dead. Such as you falling in lava and the such.

Sincerely,
 Spelunky Gold
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Kegluneq
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« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2009, 12:09:18 AM »

Dear  Spelunky Damsel,

Based on your foregoing remarks, the Yeti Council have unanimously decided to award you honorary yetiship and full admission into Yetis Against Shopkeeper Discrimination. We are saddened to hear of your abuse at the hands of the Spelunker and we wish to extend our own furry hands in a spirit of peace and friendship.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Sincerely,

I ACCEPT! Let us work together to launch ourselves forward into a peaceful world without Spelunkers! (I can still shave... right?)
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