A Joke for the Joke-less

[smokcheez]

I know, but the point of the joke is still funny that NASA would spend $12,000,000,000 on a pen and the russians would use a pencil.
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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

[Sudonimus]

I'm sure no one has done a DUMB BLONDE joke yet, here goes:

Two guys are walking through a park. As they pass a blonde mother and her 7-year-old child one guy says, "Watch make a thousand dollars."

He kidnaps the 7-year-old while the mother isn't looking, and brings him to an alleyway. He hands the kid an envelope with a ransom note, saying "Leave $1000 in cash out by the tree in the park if you want your kid back." He tells the kid, "Bring this to your mother."

The next day, the guy finds an envelope in the tree in the park. It has one thousand dollars in it, and a note saying, "How could you, you terrible person!"


No offense to any blondes of any sort.

[Audioworm]

Oh, hawdy hawdy haw.

[Damsel]

Here is this e-mail I got: (no offense to blond or blonde people. Stereotypes are strange things.)

I once knew a blonde that was so stupid that:

she called me to get my phone number.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said 'concentrate.'
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
she studied for a blood test.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said 'Airport Left' she turned around and went home

[Audioworm]

GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hilarious!

[Sudonimus]

First one reminds me of:
I called my friend, and she told me she couldn't talk because she lost her phone.

[Arucard]

she called me to get my phone number.

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

Wanna know something sad/funny? I've personally witnessed both of these in real life.

Someone entirely serious called me at work and asked for our phone number. I laughed at first, then I realized, he wasn't laughing. I just don't know.

[Known & Unknown]

uh, the guy was asking for your HOME phone number

[Arucard]

No, they said "what's the phone number up there?", something along those lines. Maybe they called information and were directly connected or something, but then why would they need the number to call back again?

[Audioworm]

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

I don't get it.

[Ambitious Sloth]

here's an old one.

Truly good comedy is always unexpected such as this:

[marsgreekgod]

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

I don't get it.

He got his discharge.

[Known & Unknown]

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

I don't get it.

He got his discharge.

Yes, he wanted to leave the army, so he hoped to find his discharge on the ground

[smokcheez]

A vulture comes on a plane with two dead raccoons. The flight attendant says "Sorry sir, only one carrion allowed."

[Sudonimus]

I've filtered some of the racism involved in this joke, if you see it different from what you may have heard, don't bother.

2 patriots and a Nazi are on a plane together with a separate pilot. The pilot says that the plane is too heavy and 3 items need to be dropped off the plane (Illogical, but moving on). Patriot 1 (P1) throws down a pencil and says, "For my country." P2 tosses down a crayon and also says, "For my country." The Nazi throws down a bomb and cries, "I hate my country!"

The next day, P1 is walking down a road and sees a small boy crying. "Why are you crying?" The boy says, "A pencil flew from the sky and stabbed my mother!"
P2 is walking down a different road and finds a little girl on the ground crying. He asks the same to her and she responds, "My dog had to go the the hospital because his eye was stabbed out by a crayon from the heavens!"
The Nazi walks down a road to find a boy laughing. He asks, "Why are you laughing? " and he responds, "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up!"