A Joke for the Joke-less

[gummybears123]

Aw that reminds me of this one:
There's this school. On one side of a table in the Cafeteria there is a plate of apples with a note placed on it: "Take one only. God is watching."
On the other side of the table, there is a plate of cookies with a note placed by one of the students: "Take all you want! God is watching the apples."

HILARIOUS!

[Audioworm]

Thankees.

[Sudonimus]

Today I was told that when I was 4, I wanted to name my stuffed Unicorn, Horny. Now I know why my parents said no without missing a beat.

'Nother quote from same site. I always leave out the last part because it will give away the site name.

[ipwnu1337]

Happiness is like peeing in your pants.  Everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth.

[Kirby]

Two blondes walk into a store.

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

[grieck]

Hopefully you like anti-humor.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar: all in all they had a fun night of discussing the finer points of theology

You know what's worse then stubbing your toe: slavery



And as per Godwin's Law I present this gem.
In Germany during WWII Berlin had this canned food that was really popular, it was like alphabet soup ecept with nazi swastikas. It was called :Pastika

[KarjamP]

My made up joke:

Q: What do you get when you cross a janitor with a smoker?
A: A pipe cleaner .

[Audioworm]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

[marsgreekgod]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

two men walk into a bar, the 3rd one ducks.

[grieck]

Actual humor:

You know what's sad? I have Never known a Shrimp to give to charity.
It's terrible, I know.
One day when this was bothering me a friend said "Well, Glenn, Basically it's because they're Shellfish."

[Audioworm]

1:
Two blondes are walking and come across some tracks. The first one says, "They're deer tracks!" The second one says, "No, they're moose tracks!" They stand there arguing over what kind of tracks they are for one hour straight, then the train hit them.
2:
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

[Sudonimus]

A girl is showing her sister the video of Michael Jackson's "Thriller". The sister, being 7,  said, "These zombies aren't scary." The girl says to her, "Well, they were supposedly aired on TV, so they couldn't be."

The sister says, "But Hannah Montana's on TV!"

[marsgreekgod]

A girl is showing her sister the video of Michael Jackson's "Thriller". The sister, being 7,  said, "These zombies aren't scary." The girl says to her, "Well, they were supposedly aired on TV, so they couldn't be."

The sister says, "But Hannah Montana's on TV!"

I don't even know who hannah montana is, but thats epic.

[smokcheez]

Q:What is black, white, and red all over?
A:1. A sunburnt nun
   2. A embarrassed zebra
   3. A newspaper
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” 
   

[marsgreekgod]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Fun fact: the russians pencil? the pits of lead nasa nkew about, messed up vital systems, almost ruining the whole mission, in zero-g, the little bits of dust don't just go away, they get in computers

So that pen? It was worth it, so people, stop buging nasa about it. It was a good idea.